Which is harder? Giving feedback or receiving feedback?
Giving feedback can be tough or feel tricky if you are delivering constructive feedback. You may not want to hurt someone’s feelings, or you fear that your feedback will hurt your relationships, or you may question your right to give the feedback.
Either way, if you feel the feedback will help the person be more effective in their role or re-align their behaviors with their good intentions, then sharing the feedback is important.
The Giving Feedback Model
Today, we will share a model for Giving Feedback to make the process just a little easier.
Let’s start with your own mindset. What do you view feedback as? Is it something positive and helpful or negative and a punishment?
If you feel that it is the latter, then you need to prepare yourself with believing that feedback is a gift; that what you have to share will be very valuable to the receiver. The trick is really in how you deliver the feedback. How is the feedback packaged? HOW you communicate the feedback is its packaging and the content of the message is the true gift inside.
Regardless of the person’s personality or behavioral style, ground the conversation with a neutral tone by
1) Stating the situation or an observation that inspires the feedback.
For example, “I would like to talk to you about the comment you made during this morning’s team meeting about my behavior at the Christmas party.”
Notice that this statement contains basic facts about the situation. The statement is free of emotion, judgment, and interpretations, and this is important in order to not activate defensive behavior from the person you are giving feedback to.
2) Next, share the impact of the situation.
For example, “I felt embarrassed in front of the team and it makes we wonder if you were intentionally trying to embarrass me.”
This statement contains emotions and feelings which is important for the sender to express. It helps the person connect to the impact of their behavior and gives an opportunity for the receiver to view how their behavior was interpreted. It gives the receiver an opportunity to correct any misperceptions about the intentions of their words or actions.
3) Finally, when giving feedback, make a request that clarifies how you want the situation to be handled next time.
For example, “What I would like to request is that next time you have a concern about something I said or did, I would appreciate if we could talk privately in a one-to-one conversation instead of in front of others. I really value your thoughts and feedback and it is easier for me to talk about it without extra ears listening in.”
We often use this giving feedback model when sharpening communication skills, building trust within teams or in one-on-one relationships.
To learn more about how the Giving Feedback model can help your organization be more cohesive, contact us today and we’ll share these and other methods to help your team be happier and more effective.